Die, Die, and Die again

I haven't written anything on the blog in a long time, so here it goes. I really do need to apologize to my wonderful partner Greg for putting up with my fits I have from time to time. I mean, don't we all get upset and want to run over someone with a car over and over again? I am trying to focus on the nice happy things in my life like Greggie, Rufus, my Family, Friends, Project Runway, and Jellybeans, but sometimes when you are put in situations directly involving someone of such great stupidity, I don't think its wrong to want some people to die and die and die again. I told myself just this morning....."Steve, you really shouldnt say people are dumb, in fact, maybe you are the dumb one!" I reflected for about 2 minutes and then came to my senses and shouted Fuck that! I know that I make mistakes from time to time, but I am around a lot of people who I have figured out there is no other excuse they can have, but being honestly and completely dumb, that have my complete sympathy. So, Greggie, give me a break from time to time and remember.........you know they are stupid too!!!!!

When Dogs Attack… With Flirtation

Bringing families together in a Relationship is a hard adjustment for everyone. I, like most pet-lovers, treat my dog like most people treat a child. I often wondered how Rufus would adjust to my new relationship with Greg, but I never imagined I would find myself secretly competing for my man’s affection… with my dog.

Greg was never really a dog person and did not grow up with a family dog, so it’s only natural, now that Rufus is in his life, that he’s learning all the joys of having a loyal best friend. Greg and Rufus are spending a lot of time together and learning each other’s behaviors. Now that Greg is a dog-owner himself, I’m glad he is enjoying Rufus.

Rufus seems to really be enjoying Greg. At first, I thought it was because Greg was giving him a lot of attention, but now I know the truth.

Rufus and Greg are lovers.

For the past few months, every time Greg and I hugged, Rufus gave a little bark and growl. I thought, “How cute! Rufus is wanting attention.!” Correction—Rufus is letting me know that he is not happy with me touching his new boyfriend. It seems Rufus is following every move Greg makes and even, in a way, mimicking Greg’s daily routines—shitting a lot, prancing in a French manner—in dog version.

Rufus gives me looks, and I know he’s telling me to “watch myself” and “don’t overstep my bounds.” I’m sure most people will think I’m crazy, but all I have to say is wait. Wait until you are in competition in your love life with your dog. Wait until your former lap buddy is now secretly giving your boyfriend sympathetic bedroom eyes, and you see your boyfriend responding without hesitation. It’s enough to make you feel your stomach drop. I keep telling myself not to let my imagination get carried away, but when you now have to worry about your dog stealing your relationship, what can happen next?

Photo by Jenni Haught—before Rufus ran off with Greg.

Life With a Farter

Everyone has things they do, their everyday Rituals that nobody knows… not even your Spouse or Closest friends and family. Starting a new Cohabitation with your love can make you realize that you spend a lot of time trying to hid your deepest, darkest habits. You naturally learn more about your partner as the days go on, but what you don’t realize is… they also learn stuff about you, stuff you don’t know they know, stuff you don’t want them to know.

I, like many other people, live with a farter. Farters are pople that fart whenever they feel the urge and seem comfortable with it. My “farter” always apologizes after every explosion, except ones when sleeping.

Why is it that every time I need to fart, I find every way to get it out in private? Why am I so scared to fart around someone? Someone who farts on my leg at night while spooning in bed? I need to let go and just realize that many things I’ve been hiding from Greg—Greg already knows.

We all need to sit back and take in the facts. Why hide things from someone you are spending your life with? The little things that we find so embarrassing that we feel the need to hide, your partner already knows. They really do. We all need to just raise our legs and let it rip. Whenever you get the rumble in your stomach, just sit back and smell the roses of love—instead of the eye-watering fumes.

The homeless guys manifesto

It was time to go check on the apartment of our friends who are away for the weekend. As we walk from the front door of the loft to the car across the street, we are asked by two homeless men on the sidewalk if we have any change to spare. My partner Greg told them no and we continued to walk. The skinny greasy homeless man continued with his salute to "why people really hate the homeless", and rattled on something about how he hopes we need something to eat someday and know what its like to have nothing. He said all of these things in a very violent tone and made me somewhat uncomfortable. Everything was fine and we got in the car to continue our errand. With thoughts of calling 911 and a moment of homeless bashing in a way, is when it really hit me. It would be a lot easier for people to be more tolerant of the homeless if it were not for people like the fellows we encountered today. If you want my opinion, the homeless should unite and take care of the few undesirables that make their lives a little harder for themselves and everyone.

ok....its called "fake fucking"

This may be the find of the times...well, at least i'm having a lot of fun with it right now. It's called "fake fucking" and p.s. it's fabulous!!! This could be something shared from a hetero couple or gay couple, as long as there is at least one penis involved, you are okay. What you do is first start out with an amazing make out session that gets you so hot you can't stand it. Then you lie on your back and have your partner get on top as if you are about to do "old faithful"...then missionary position. Instead of entering you, your partner puts his penis in between your closed legs and start going at it. Using your imagination can make you have the same feeling of your partner actually being in you, but your partner has to know what he is doing as well. This is something that has been going on along time and I think it deserves a come back.

2 weeks left

Yes my friends, 2 weeks from today, Sex and the City is here! For a lot of people like me, May 30th seemed like it would never get here. In the past decade, I have become very close to Carrie, Charolette, Miranda, and Samantha. They are my friends in New York and I got to catch up on their lives every week. Living in a small town does not have the same "sexy" thoughts or even actions. We are just used to keeping things bottled up and not talking openly about things as "funky spunk" or "me, James, and his tiny penis" just to name a few. The girls made it mu easier for people to ask and say the things that they really wanted to know and they used humor to do so. I believe that all women would like to know what it is like to "have sex like a man" but they are too afraid to do so. Well women, take my advice and the advice of the girls and remember, you can enjoy your sexuality and as long as your safe and know the boundaries before hand, laugh, love, and dont be afraid to tell your man to go down!!!!! See you all there in 2 weeks. Catch up on the episodes if you need a refresher....and get ready for the question we all want to know. Will Carrie and Big finally get married? Until then, grab a cosmo, vibrator, and a nice pair of Manolo's and have some hot sexy fun.