When Dogs Attack… With Flirtation

Bringing families together in a Relationship is a hard adjustment for everyone. I, like most pet-lovers, treat my dog like most people treat a child. I often wondered how Rufus would adjust to my new relationship with Greg, but I never imagined I would find myself secretly competing for my man’s affection… with my dog.

Greg was never really a dog person and did not grow up with a family dog, so it’s only natural, now that Rufus is in his life, that he’s learning all the joys of having a loyal best friend. Greg and Rufus are spending a lot of time together and learning each other’s behaviors. Now that Greg is a dog-owner himself, I’m glad he is enjoying Rufus.

Rufus seems to really be enjoying Greg. At first, I thought it was because Greg was giving him a lot of attention, but now I know the truth.

Rufus and Greg are lovers.

For the past few months, every time Greg and I hugged, Rufus gave a little bark and growl. I thought, “How cute! Rufus is wanting attention.!” Correction—Rufus is letting me know that he is not happy with me touching his new boyfriend. It seems Rufus is following every move Greg makes and even, in a way, mimicking Greg’s daily routines—shitting a lot, prancing in a French manner—in dog version.

Rufus gives me looks, and I know he’s telling me to “watch myself” and “don’t overstep my bounds.” I’m sure most people will think I’m crazy, but all I have to say is wait. Wait until you are in competition in your love life with your dog. Wait until your former lap buddy is now secretly giving your boyfriend sympathetic bedroom eyes, and you see your boyfriend responding without hesitation. It’s enough to make you feel your stomach drop. I keep telling myself not to let my imagination get carried away, but when you now have to worry about your dog stealing your relationship, what can happen next?

Photo by Jenni Haught—before Rufus ran off with Greg.

Life With a Farter

Everyone has things they do, their everyday Rituals that nobody knows… not even your Spouse or Closest friends and family. Starting a new Cohabitation with your love can make you realize that you spend a lot of time trying to hid your deepest, darkest habits. You naturally learn more about your partner as the days go on, but what you don’t realize is… they also learn stuff about you, stuff you don’t know they know, stuff you don’t want them to know.

I, like many other people, live with a farter. Farters are pople that fart whenever they feel the urge and seem comfortable with it. My “farter” always apologizes after every explosion, except ones when sleeping.

Why is it that every time I need to fart, I find every way to get it out in private? Why am I so scared to fart around someone? Someone who farts on my leg at night while spooning in bed? I need to let go and just realize that many things I’ve been hiding from Greg—Greg already knows.

We all need to sit back and take in the facts. Why hide things from someone you are spending your life with? The little things that we find so embarrassing that we feel the need to hide, your partner already knows. They really do. We all need to just raise our legs and let it rip. Whenever you get the rumble in your stomach, just sit back and smell the roses of love—instead of the eye-watering fumes.